Transparency
by Millie
Summary: Captain Sharon Raydor keeps hounding Brenda about the Shootin Newton case. Sharon/Brenda


Captain Sharon Raydor mindlessly twirled the bright pink stirrer straw she'd found in one of Major Crime's kitchen cabinets. The bright color had surprised her at first, and she had found it odd that the department would have neon stirrers, but nothing much surprised her about Major Crimes anymore. She was disenchanted with the whole group. They'd all turned against her because of their fearless leader; she was the odd man out. Like always.

Sharon had never fit in before in her life. Going through school she'd been the odd girl with braces and glasses. She was picked on by her classmates, made the butt of jokes, and demeaned. She supposed it was self-punishment that she had gotten involved in Internal Affairs in the first place. Though she thought her skin had thickened over the years. Fearless leader Brenda Leigh Johnson had changed everything. She'd upset the balance, the equilibrium Sharon had worked so hard to find in her life.

She was once again forced to suck up to the popular blonde, to try and win her over so that others might like her as well. She wanted Brenda to like her. She had no idea when or why this need for Brenda to see that she was not the cold-hearted bitch everyone pinned her as had surfaced, but it had happened. She was little Sharon Raydor with the braces and the thick, ugly glasses again.

"Captain," a strained Southern drawl pulled Sharon out of her trance. She felt her heart leap as she looked up to find Brenda sorting through that big ugly purse of hers.

"Yes, Chief?" Sharon quickly got to her feet, though she was uncertain as to why she felt the need to stand at attention to the blonde who was not even paying attention to her.

"Can I borrow your glasses?" Brenda glanced up at her, their eyes meeting. Sharon noticed something was off with Brenda today. Her eyes were puffy, red.

Sharon frowned, knowing her prescription was entirely too strong for Brenda. "Certainly," she pulled the glasses off her face and reached forward in Brenda's direction, her vision blurred. She was suddenly afraid to sit back down, for she wasn't sure where the chair really was. "Have you given more thought to your testimo-"

"Shh," Brenda reached out, placing her fingers over Sharon's mouth as she appeared to study a file.

Sharon reached for Brenda's hand and moved it away from her person. "I would appreciate it if you would not touch me in that manner. Chief." Sharon enunciated her title.

Brenda seemed to glance at her, though she could hardly be sure without her glasses where Brenda's gaze really came to rest. "I will _refrain_ from touching you if you will _refrain_ from hounding me about this case."

"If only it were that easy," Sharon felt for her chair with her leg. Reaching out she located the back of the seat and slide gracefully down. Her desk was a blur.

"Honestly I don't see how you can read with these glasses," Brenda was moving them back and forth, trying to read something, a document, another case.

"They're meant for my eyes. Not yours." Sharon sighed, rubbing her forehead. Her presence in Brenda's space felt more and more uncomfortable with each passing second. She wished she had not been stationed in the middle of Brenda's unit, in a cubicle, surrounded by people who ignored her, talked about her behind her back, and made jokes about her being a witch, the evil lady, _that __woman_. She really wanted to get back to her own department, to run away forever.

"Clearly," Brenda sighed, reaching out to carefully place the glasses back on Sharon's face. Brenda's own face came in to perfect view and Sharon caught her wrist gently before she could pull away.

"Can we please talk about this over a late breakfast, get it out of the way. You can make your final statements about the case, and then we can all go back to the way things were. You can keep on hating me, but do it from a distance." Sharon snapped, waiting eagerly for a reply from the stunned woman.

Brenda glanced around the room, noting that hardly anyone was in earshot. "I thought we were friends. I have nothing to say to you. I did my job."

"That's not the way some people see it. Please," Sharon was not one to beg, but she needed this testimony to get out of the Major Crime's hair. She needed to get away for her own well being. "Do this for the both of us. I don't want to be here anymore than you want me to be here."

Brenda's face seemed to change, a confused look passing over her features. Sharon knew she was trying to figure out what she wanted, what she was getting at. What Brenda did not understand was that it was Pope who had done this, not Sharon. Sharon did not like this. She had tried to close the damn case. It was Pope who now wanted to see Brenda squirm. But of course past alliances made Brenda more apt to see his side over Sharon's. But the truth could not be told. Legality ruled supreme.

"Dinner, now can I please get back to work?" Brenda tried to pull from Sharon's grasp, but she held strong. "You know I could arrest you for assault of a police officer."

Sharon laughed, "You promise me we will have dinner. I name the restaurant and you will be there?"

"I am all yours after 6 this evening. Now let me go." Brenda hissed.

Sharon released her from her grasp, "fine." She watched after Brenda as she walked to her office, slamming the door behind.

Sharon had no idea why her palms got sweaty, her stomach felt unsettled, and her nerves stood on end when Brenda was around, but it was not okay. She needed out of this just as much as Brenda wanted out.

Brenda arrived at the restaurant thirty minutes late. She claimed a case had kept her, but Sharon knew she wanted to keep her on edge, to make sure she knew her place on Brenda's list of priorities.

Sharon sipped her wine and stared at Brenda over the edge of her glass as she did so. The woman looked flustered, upset and stressed from the day. "I took the liberty of ordering a glass of Chardonnay for you. I hope you like that," Sharon felt suddenly nervous.

"It's fine, Sharon." Brenda collapsed. Not a physical collapse, but she seemed to lose her edge, suddenly deflated before Sharon's eyes. Had she called her Sharon?

Sharon's piercing green eyes watched as Brenda accepted a glass of Chardonnay from their waiter. She nearly drank back half the glass before setting it on the table. "We don't, really, need to get in to the case tonight." Sharon slowly, disbelievingly muttered.

"I want it gone. I want it over with," Brenda sighed. "I want to quit."

"Well, I would highly suggest you don't." Sharon raised her glass to her lips.

"It's done though, I'm done." Brenda scratched her forehead.

Sharon began to wonder if they were talking about the case, or if they were talking about something entirely different. There had been a window of time where they had connected on some level other than hating each other, but Sharon was certain that window had closed.

She had liked their open, honest communication. She had hoped it could continue. It felt good to be close to someone again, but just like in school her friendship had not lasted. Now she was back to fending for herself. Sharon was fine with that. She did just fine on her own.

"Are we talking about the same thing, Chief?" Sharon set the wine glass down and pulled it back and forth with her thumb and pointer finger.

"What?" Brenda's head shot up. The look on her face seemed to portray the fact that she just remembered with whom she was dining and for what reason. "Christ, always with the case. The case, the case, I didn't do anything."

"Have you contacted your attorney?"

"No," Brenda shook her head. She was hoping that by ignoring this situation it would just vanish. Sharon knew it would not go away that easily.

"Why are you making this so difficult?" Sharon hissed, beginning to lose the little patients she had. She had been assigned this Goddamn case. She had not chosen it. She had not hoped to have to hound Brenda every second. She wanted to her help her, but Brenda didn't want the help, nor did she appreciate a Goddamn thing Sharon had done or was trying to do for her.

To be fair, Sharon supposed, Brenda didn't know what she had done, or had tried to do. She wished she could just tell her so she would stop hating her.

"Because you are just going out of your way to make this difficult." Brenda shot back, anger laced in her words.

"I will remind you that it _is_ my _job_ to do this." Sharon regained some of her calm. "I am _doing_ my Goddamn job."

Brenda fell oddly silent, grabbing her wine glass and downing the last of it.

Sharon rubbed her forehead. They hadn't ordered food yet, but she had a feeling Brenda wouldn't be so kind as to indulge her in eating. She looked down at her wine glass, feeling weary, dejected. She wanted Brenda's friendship. She wanted a companion. She had hoped they could resolve their differences, perhaps, but Brenda had made it impossible.

But she had introduced Sharon to her parents as "My Captain Raydor". Sharon would never forget that. "My Captain Raydor". It was always on repeat. Sharon had been caught off guard, surprised even that Brenda would consider her her own captain, following it by saying she was her friend. Either she was trying to prove to her parents she had friends, or subconsciously Brenda felt the same desire to have someone to talk to. Sharon wanted to believe the latter.

"He wants to leave me," Brenda's voice was quiet.

Sharon's head shot up, her eyes focusing intently on the woman who was no longer focused on them or on their intended conversation.

"He said I'm never around, I'm selfish, I…I've never been good in relationships. He wants to leave." Brenda finally looked up at Sharon.

Sharon, having never been one to know how to comfort someone other than her own children, raised her eyebrow. She might have put her hand on Brenda's shoulder, had she been less awkward, but instead she sat there, staring in awe and surprise at the strong woman who was unraveling before her.

There was silence as Brenda looked away, finding the waiter with her eyes and nodding for him to refill her glass.

Sharon seemed frozen to the spot. She wasn't sure what to say. "I'm not good at relationship's either." Fell out of her mouth before she'd processed what she was saying. She knew that was no help.

Brenda eyed her. The side of her lip arched into a ghost of a smile. "You know, I could have guessed that."

Sharon sat back as if she'd been slapped. "Why is that?"

"No wedding band. You mentioned kids, but no husband, and you're at the office as much as I am. I would assume you haven't been having any sort of affair at work because no one seems to care for you and your presence, so…no. I figured you could sympathize." Brenda calmly stated, as if glad to take focus from herself.

"How. Kind." Sharon stated through clenched jaw and phony smile.

Brenda sighed and drank back her wine. "I cared for you. Until you went and got yourself put on my ass."

"I will remind you that I did not choose this." Had Brenda just said she cared for her? How much had she had to drink before Brenda had shown up?

"So you say, so you say, but everyone knows how much you love being in charge of me. You just want power over everyone. Just admit it." Brenda snorted.

"I want no such thing. I. Am. Doing. My. God. Damn. Job." Sharon had the nerve to get up and leave. She was nearly on the verge of tears, a weakness she never let anyone in on. Brenda would be of no exception to her rule.

Brenda looked just as uncomfortable as Sharon. They were holding one another's gaze, green blazing in to brown.

"You're just power hungry and a suck up."

"I could say the same about you," Sharon snapped. "I will tell you this again, but you won't listen. I am doing my job. I do not know how else to say this to you, but I am not the one who decided to sit in the fucking cubicle in the middle of your fucking click of a unit. I was asked to return and badger your unit further after I tried to clear your ass, so stop blaming me for doing what I am paid to do. Don't think I like it any more than you do. I think I'm finished here." She sighed, tossing a fifty on the table before grabbing up her purse and storming for the restaurant door. She did not feel the tears until she was feet away from her car. With vision blurred due to the tears and her glasses, it took Sharon several moments to locate her keys in her purse. As her hands connected with the metal of her keys she heard high heels clicking behind her.

"Wait," The Southern drawl sent Sharon's head spinning. "Wait, you're in no shape to be driving. Please, just wait."

Sharon did not turn around. Instead she pulled off her glasses and wiped at her eyes. She did not want Brenda to see her crying.

"Let me at least take you home, Please." The voice had come to a halt several feet away. Too close for Sharon to be comfortable.

"I'd rather call a cab." She sniffed.

"Don't be ridiculous," Brenda's heels were coming closer.

"Don't you dare come closer to me," Sharon stopped her with her smooth, firm voice.

"Sharon, I didn't mean…" Brenda sighed, "Look I'm sorry I've made this purposefully hard on you, I just have a lot going on and it's just something else I have to deal with. I know you're doing your job. I would like to do mine as well."

"Then please cooperate," Sharon kept a firm edge in her voice. Finding herself able to keep from shedding more tears, Sharon placed her glasses back on her face. She could see Brenda's concerned reflection in her car window.

"Let me take you home," Brenda's hand came to rest on Sharon's shoulder. She shuddered at the contact. Had it really been that long since anyone had touched her in a compassionate manner that she had actually felt her whole body reacting?

Sharon stepped out of Brenda's touch. "Don't do that, Chief."

"We're not in the office, just call me Brenda." Brenda sighed. "Let me take you home."

Sharon reluctantly turned and with head down followed Brenda to her car. They were silent, except for Sharon giving directions to her home. In a matter of minutes they arrived at her curb. Brenda shut off her car.

Sharon should have bolted out of the door, but something kept her glued to her seat.

Brenda's hand came to rest on her knee. "Thank you for listening to me tonight. It wasn't my place to mention my personal life, but thank you anyway. I hope you can forgive me."

Sharon shook her head. "It's all right." She awkwardly patted Brenda's hand with her own before leaning back in the seat. She didn't want to go back in to her lonely house alone. With no one home. Like always. A sudden thought popped in to her head. "Would you like to come in for coffee?" The words were out of her mouth before she could think her question through.

"I thought you wouldn't ask," Brenda unbuckled her seatbelt. "And would you happen to have a spare bedroom?"

Sharon looked at her with shock and horror. "Of…of course."

"I…I wouldn't normally…but…there's…"

"No," Sharon shook her head, "no, it's fine. Please, come in. Stay as long as you want."

They sat awkwardly beside one another on Sharon's couch. She realized that Brenda, her arch nemesis, had just invited herself to spend the night. Her eyebrow rose in sudden, inner realization. Her stomach fluttered.

"Sharon, your house is exactly as I pictured it," Brenda's Southern drawl was a bit denser as she spoke. The coffee had had a mellowing affect on both women.

"I'm glad I'm so readable. Please, tell me more about myself." Sharon deadpanned.

Brenda turned to face her, that half smile tugging at the corner of her lip.

"What?" Sharon did not know how to react to this almost normal, friendly behavior.

"Nothing, I just find you amusing." Brenda shrugged, sipping her coffee. Setting her cup down on the coffee table before them – making sure it had a coaster beneath it – she took Sharon's coffee cup from her. Placing it beside her own, she took Sharon's hands in her own. "You've never kissed a woman before, have you, Captain?"

"I thought we were using each other's first names." Sharon felt a blush creep over her cheeks, her chest. When had this conversation started?

"You're avoiding the question, because the way I see it, you've wanted to kiss me for some time." Brenda ran her thumb gently over the soft, silky back of Sharon's hand.

Had she? "Have I?" Sharon was quite surprised at the feeling she got in the pit of her stomach. But this couldn't be right. Brenda hated her. She was confused by her emotions right now. Her husband wanted to leave her, she had to be hurting. Sharon would once again be a play thing, someone who gets strung along and dumped, forgotten. To Brenda it was a game; to Sharon it suddenly felt real. "And who's to say I haven't kissed a woman?" She was avoiding her feelings and the way Brenda was looking at her.

Brenda still had that smug look on her face. "So you admit that you have."

Sharon huffed, "I see why you're the closer." She laughed, trying to ease the mounting tension.

Brenda did not laugh.

"No," Sharon shook her head. "No, Fritz is not old news yet. You're obviously hurting, and I…" _I__don__'__t__want__to__get__hurt._

"To be fair, I thought I wanted to kiss you that first day you walked around the hospital corner. The thought just popped in to my head, the way you got so angry with me. I just wanted to kiss you."

"You just wanted to kiss me, hmm?" Sharon enunciated each word.

Brenda nodded.

"So all this waltzing around the office calling me names behind my back, turning your entire unit against me…what? Was that to lure me in?"

"I'm sorry about that, but I can't have my unit jumping ship to another woman. I need them in my court, on my side, and that's just business." Brenda reached out to touch Sharon's hair. Her fingers slid effortlessly through the curled tresses.

"You feel threatened by me? Little, helpless me in Internal Affairs? I highly doubt that." Sharon scoffed.

"You never know," Brenda shrugged, cupping Sharon's cheek.

Jesus, this kiss might happen. Was Sharon going to let it?

Her eyes slid shut and her hand moved to cover Brenda's. "Don't do it if you don't mean it. Please." She begged.

The contact was light at first. Nothing more than lips brushing against lips. But soon Brenda's lips covered Sharon's pressing slightly at her, asking for entrance. Her tongue slid between Sharon's lips, causing her to part them. She wondered if her breath smelled. She hadn't been thinking about this. The contact sent her nerves dancing on end. She had goose bumps, she felt suddenly weak. Brenda moved closer, laying her back against the couch as she straddled her, still cupping her face, still kissing her, exploring her mouth with her tongue, their lips fighting together.

It was not a perfect kiss, it was not graceful or serene, but it meant more to Sharon than any kiss had meant to her before in her life. She only hoped that when Brenda realized what she was doing, she wouldn't run away like so many others had.

Sharon felt her hands grasping the cheap material of Brenda's cardigan, pulling her close to her. She didn't want this to end, because when it did, and she was certain it would, she would be alone again.

But as their lips finally slid slowly apart, Brenda leaned in to kiss her way to Sharon's earlobe. "I meant it."


End file.
